When a spouse travels, it can be extremely stressful on the
parent who remains at home ‘holding down the fort.’
Until recently, I had always found it challenging and have had PLENTY of REALLY bad experiences
over the 25 years I’ve been the ‘stay at home while the spouse is away person.’
For instance, years ago, my husband went on a 10 day
business trip and I was left home with four small children and a newborn
baby. No sooner had we waved
goodbye, four of the kids commenced VOMITING (I am NOT lying)! After a few days of chaos, I called
Jesse and cried and whined and two things happened: 1. Jesse felt
helpless (and came across as annoyed with my phone call) 2. I felt incompetent, abandoned and upset
by Jesse’s reaction (and vowed never to call again to complain; and **THAT**,
my friends, was a HUGE mistake)!
WHY was that a mistake? Because instead of communicating with one another about
exactly what went wrong (“I feel overwhelmed when you go away for long periods
of time and I need your emotional support – I need for you to check in with me
a few times each day and tell me how much you appreciate my work with the
children and I need you to be strong
and listen to my crying/complaining if I’m feeling upset”) we stayed in our
‘upset’ and I told myself that Jesse was not a ‘soft place to land (that I
couldn’t and wouldn’t count on him to help me navigate my rough/challenging
times and I couldn’t trust him with my negative emotions). The message I got from Jesse was that
he didn’t ‘like’ me when I was a complainer. EVEN THOUGH THIS MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE BEEN HIS MESSAGE! This is PRECICESLY why you just HAVE to
communicate! Yep, the good, the
bad AND the ugly (especially the ugly)!
So…….Beyond some really solid (pre-trip) husband to wife
communication, what else can make the time NOT turn into a disastrous nightmare
of epic proportion?
- Attitude - Make the choice to rise to the occasion and be a cheerful leader (get help if you need it).
- Call a family meeting and tell the children about the upcoming trip.
- Be sure to contact your child’s/children’s teacher/s so they are aware of what’s going on at home.
- Encourage your child/children to make a special picture/poem/letter and tuck it into the suitcase as a ‘surprise.’
- Write a card yourself so your spouse knows you support him and are thinking of him.
- To the best of your ability, maintain the family’s usual rhythm.
- Plan some special event for you and the kids: A meal out, a hike, etc.
- Create a homecoming for the returning spouse (homemade posters, balloons, etc).
- Plan an activity for yourself after your spouse returns (a hike, time with friends, coffee at the bookstore, a movie or more depending on your needs).
Let me know if you’ve experienced craziness like I have and if you have some must-know tips to share
so that the next time Jesse leaves on a business trip, I can say ‘Bon Voyage’
and truly MEAN it! Hahahahahaha!
