We are only our 'word'................

I had a discussion the other day that got me thinking.  We were talking about how things ‘used to be.’  You know, like decades ago (and further back in history) when folks understood the importance of YOUR WORD.

For example, when you said you’d do something, YOU DID IT! You kept your word.  

Sounds so basic and simple, right?

Guess what…………..That concept has become SO complicated! 

For example, have you ever had a repairperson PROMISE to do work for you (even wrote up a contract) only to discover that they ‘didn’t deliver’ or worse still ‘took the money and ran?’ 

I've experienced this so many times and yet each time I am shocked and saddened anew.  

How about politicians who talk a big game during their campaign only to renege on their promises?

And let's not forget………Big pharma, agro-farms, GMOs and on and on!

For me, this behavior is SO disappointing and disheartening.  Seriously, I could weep when I think of people treating people in this manner.

This 'not keeping your word' behavior happens in the contractor world, but it also happens with regularity in our government, in the business industry and in our relationships.   

Have you read the book, ‘The Four Agreements’ by Don Miguel Ruiz?  One of the agreements is ‘Be impeccable with your word.’

So what does THAT mean?  Among other things, it means to always be truthful.  It means to do as you say you’ll do.  The Brethren say, “Yes means yes and no means no.’  Ahhhhhh, this is SO beautiful. 

If you have been less than impeccable with YOUR word, CHANGE THAT IMMEDIATELY!  If you've been dishonest with someone, tell them your truth now.  If you have had dealings with folks who operate in this way, go the extra step to let them know of your disappointment (if necessary write a letter, contact your local better business bureau, etc).  

We all MUST start treating one another with integrity and respect.  Let us all choose to be impeccable with our word!

All Will Be (fine) ....... WELL!

I’ve always admired Maya Angelou.  But seriously, who HASN’T?  My first ‘Maya Experience’ was at President Clinton’s Inauguration.  Whoa.  That poem knocked my socks off!  I can remember thinking, “That took a lot out of her.  Not only did she look a bit dazed when she finished the last line,; she didn’t even seem to have the strength to put an arm around The President when he hugged her!”

Over the years, I’ve read her books (starting with Why The Caged Bird Sings) and have seen her interviewed on several shows including The Oprah Winfrey Show, Super Soul Sunday and the Master Class series. 

Let’s face it, Maya is…………..A force, a phenom, an icon, a loving mother (to her son and to other men and women she calls her ‘children’), a teacher, a scholar, the REAL DEAL!

So, recently, when I heard Dr Angelou utter the phrase ‘all will be well’ I took particular note.  Why?  Because, as she explained it, it meant that things might not turn out  1.  The way you wanted  2.  The way you expected  3.  As good or great as you had hoped, but……….The way they were supposed to turn out.   

Get it?

Okay, for example, say you were trying to get pregnant and weren’t able.  You might be tempted to become very upset and frustrated because the idea of motherhood/fatherhood was not coming as easy as it seemed to for others.   Not the way it was supposed to.  If you stopped right there, you would miss the opportunity to surrender to the bigger picture (call it the universal plan).  You’d get stuck in the mire of ‘THIS IS NOT MY PLAN!!!!!!’ 

What would ensue?  Negativity, anger, sadness…………..?

What if you were to consider Dr Angelou’s sage words (“All will – not fine as in a storybook ending, but - be well”)?  What if you were to choose to surrender and create a space for the universe to do it’s work? 

There might be a pregnancy, there might be an adoption, there might be a change in your life’s purpose (from parenthood to entrepreneur, perhaps). 

If you truly begin to subscribe to this state of mind, you cannot even BEGIN to imagine how FREE you will feel!

Out on a limb................!

I just read a blog post by Seth Godin that  inspired me to write a blog post of my own about the topic he was addressing!

Okay, so what *was* this fascinating topic? 

Taking a risk.

So what’s the big deal about THAT? 

Well………..When was the last time you ‘took a chance’?  (walked up to a stranger and introduced yourself, spoke up against an injustice, performed in front of an audience, gave a speech, told someone who deeply hurt you that you loved him/her,  forgave someone, etc)?

Me?  I’ve been ‘taking chances’ ‘giving it a shot’   ‘getting my hands dirty’ a LOT lately.  Trust me, it ain’t easy!  But guess what…………It’s truly liberating! 

But WHY does it set you free? 

Because………You give yourself permission to let go or SURRENDER!     

Recently, five of my children and I performed in our dance company’s annual recital.  We are called ‘The Von Taps’ and we did a tap dance to ‘I Want You Back’ by The Jackson Five.  Was this an example of ‘going out on a limb’ or ‘going for the gusto.’ YOU BET IT WAS!  But………again………..It felt soooooo wonderful when we danced to the best of our abilities in front of that audience! 

I encourage YOU to take a chance……….TODAY!  

I'm going down, down, down..................!

You’ve probably been wondering……………WHERE IS MOTHER GOOSE?    Well, wonder no more!  I’m baaaaaaaack!

But back from WHERE? 

From:  *****“Going Underground***** 

Have you ever heard of that term? 

 I use it to describe what happens when I need to lay low or drop out of life for a bit.

Can’t you just picture me laid down below the surface of the earth with the moles and badgers? 

Can you relate?

So exactly how does this work?   Well, when I start feeling overwhelmed

with my life (school activities, extra curricular commitments, marital struggles,  sick children, etc), I take a step back and immediately ‘go underground.’ 

I cancel meetings, activities and stick to the bare minimal commitments.  Also,  I make certain that I feel GOOD about this strategy.  I remind myself that this is critical to my self-care!  THAT is key. 

So…………The next time YOU feel overwhelmed with YOUR life, pare down, simplify and  GO UNDERGROUND! 

Wait, does pride REALLY goeth before a fall?

I grew up with a father who praised me (and was proud for me) and a mother who didn’t.  Trust me when I tell you that I NOTICED THEIR DIFFERING APPROACHES!

I think it’s pretty safe to say that my mother thought that praise would cause a child to ‘become prideful’ (arrogant, too big for your britches).

My father, on the other hand, must’ve realized that praise, when delivered carefully and sincerely, would be ESTEEM BUILDING!

Why is a good, solid self esteem important?

I believe that self esteem and confidence are VERY closely related.  A child must have a well developed self esteem in order to move through the world in a confident way. 

Why is moving through the world with confidence so important?  Because a confident child/young aldult/adult will make good choices for himself/herself.  Period.

Think about  a classic peer pressure situation……….There’s a party, there’s alcohol, teens are drinking, your child is asked to ‘take a few sips cause what’s the harm’, he/she says ‘No thanks’ because he/she  has the confidence to be different.  To not drink and still have fun at the party. 

So……….How do you do it?  How do you begin to help your child develop self esteem (a sense of pride in who they are)?

For starters, allow them to DO FOR THEMSELVES (and make mistakes).  Learning to ride a bike, for instance, is HARD and FRUSTRATING!  This experience, when not intruded on by well intentioned parents, is SOOO GOOD for developing a child’s esteem!  This doesn’t mean that you do not guide your child when necessary or give encouragement.  It simply means to stand out of their way.  Trust me, it’s the child who has put all of his/her blood, sweat and tears into a science project (with only quiet encouragement from mom and dad) whose esteem will SOAR with pride and confidence at their accomplishment! 

You’ve heard me say it before, but I’ll say it again……….CHORES CHORES CHORES!  Expecting your child to help run a household is esteem building.  Their daily contribution matters.  Mastering an instrument is also esteem building.  Think of the will power it takes to practice each day!  

So now let’s figure this ‘praise’ stuff out……….

It’s perfectly wonderful to praise your child, paying close attention to WHAT they’ve done  or HOW they’ve done it.  

It’s a matter of  substance versus surface.

Substance would be:  “I noticed the way you handled your frustration when dealing with a cranky sibling and saw that you were very patient and kind.  I admire those qualities in you.”

Surface would be:  “You look really cute in your outfit!”

I encourage you to reflect on this topic and notice when you are praising your child based on their good, solid character qualities.  

A picture can make you feel a thousand thoughts...................

Years ago, a good friend, Debbie Phillips, told me something that I have never forgotten.  She said that she keeps a picture of her husband when he was a little boy in a special place so that she can be reminded about ‘the little boy inside him’ when they are at odds with one another.

I never forgot it, but I didn’t remember it either.

Does that make sense?

It impacted me when she said it WAAAAY back then, but I never acted on it.

I should’ve.

Alas, all of these years later I did!  I recently asked my husband’s mother for some baby pictures (we had a few, but mostly of when he was a bit older). 

I placed the picture I chose amidst two special rocks I was recently given by ANOTHER good friend, Jill Loomis.  One rock says ‘hope’ and the other says ‘strength.’ 

When I gaze at the picture, which I often do, I am able to hold Jesse in a special place inside my heart.  A loving and nurturing space.  One that understands that he was once a tiny baby who has suffered wounds and painful moments. 

I’m then able to love him more fully and with a deeper understanding. 

So.............I strongly encourage you to  go dig up that baby picture of your partner and keep it close!  

Write me a letter!

Okay, so I’m sitting here watching Kathy Lee and Hoda.  They just showed some cute Valentine ideas to give to your partner.   One of the items is a journal called ‘Between You And Me.’   

Guess what?

Jesse and I have been journaling back and forth to each other (on and off) since our first year of marriage 14 years ago!

I have absolutely NO idea why we started, but we must’ve been onto something because clearly it’s a ‘thing.’

Here’s how it works: 

1. Get a journal.
2. Write down your appreciations, upsets, things you’d like to work on between you.
3. Put the journal underneath your partners pillow.
4. Your partner reads your entry.
5. Your partner writes his/her entry.
6. Your partner puts the journal underneath YOUR pillow

Just so you know, my husband and I  journaled like crazy in the BEGINNING of our marriage and then little by little, the entries were written farther and farther apart until we completely stopped writing. 

Until………..

We started again!  In the fall, after a VERY rough patch in our marriage, we started writing in our journal again and you know what? 

IT FEELS WONDERFUL!