Please consider this .......... NOW!

I came across a GREAT quote the other night in the book The Power of Now.  It reads:  “The teacher and the taught create the teaching.”  OMG how I love that! 

Here’s why…………Because the responsibility is shared.  To me, however, it seems that the student needs to be ‘ready’ for the information the teacher provides. 

Okay, what does THAT mean? 

Well, have you ever been in denial about something even when the information is compelling?  Can you relate to simply not being ready to hear it?  I know I have.  For instance, I used to think that the story of your childhood was your truth.  I mean ALL of it including a teacher or a parent saying:  “You’ll never be any kind of a math wiz!”  And then………..I picked up the book The Story Of You by Steve Chandler and WHOA!   This book explains how we hold ourselves back by the stories we believe about ourselves and then project to the world. One of the key points that I learned  is that I can excel at anything I put my mind to, including MATH!  I am no longer burdened with the notion (MY STORY) that I’m a math flunkie! 

Guess what?  This can be applied to  EVERYTHING!

Wouldn’t it be grand if we allowed ourselves to ALWAYS be ready and open and eager to learn about something, anything  ESPECIALLY when we find the information to be difficult to accept and we want to hold on to our old, tried and true notions (OUR STORIES)? 

Crying From A-Z.........!

I opened up my address book this morning and <<WHAMMO>>……….I started crying!  And no it was NOT because I was out of stamps.  It struck me like a lightening bolt that what I had tucked in between the cover and the ‘A’ page were a bunch of things that REALLY MATTER TO MY HEART. 

Things like a sadly sweet letter, written several years ago, by Steve Havery telling me of the death of his beloved wife, Rosalie (I lived with them when I was an exchange student in England in the 1980s).  Another touching letter, from a long time friend, Bernd whose wife, Nathalie died in her 40s.  He was thanking me for my kind words of condolence.  A sonogram of one of the four babies I was pregnant with who died in utetro.  A dear picture of  Natasha (age 5) and Juliette (4) sitting on a swing set  in their Mamy and Papy’s back garden in France during one of our many vacations there.  An AWESOME and ALL TIME FAVORITE picture of Jesse (full-on laugh captured) during one of his Vision Days with his amazing friend, Rob Berkley.  A beautiful picture/inspirational thought by Maeve (“Let The Storm Never Take You Down”) that she gave me during a VERY rough summer (and here I thought I was keeping a lid on my emotions…..).  Last, but not least, there was a list I had asked Juliette and Chloe and Natasha to write.  Several years ago, at the urging of my dear friend, Sandra Vaughn, I asked the girls to write down my attributes as they see them.  The things Juliette, in particular, said deeply touched me.  Seeing her list again reminded me that I  need to read those words with regularity. 

I wonder where you house YOUR treasures?  I’m inspired to think about whether or not I should find better ‘places’ for my keepsakes or just leave them be.  Hmmmm.

You're going away AGAIN?!?!?!?

When a spouse travels, it can be extremely stressful on the parent who remains at home ‘holding down the fort.’ 

Until recently, I had always found it challenging and have had PLENTY of REALLY bad experiences over the 25 years I’ve been the ‘stay at home while the spouse is away person.’

For instance, years ago, my husband went on a 10 day business trip and I was left home with four small children and a newborn baby.  No sooner had we waved goodbye, four of the kids commenced VOMITING (I am NOT lying)!  After a few days of chaos, I called Jesse and cried and whined and two things happened:  1.  Jesse felt helpless (and came across as annoyed with my phone call) 2.  I felt incompetent, abandoned and upset by Jesse’s reaction (and vowed never to call again to complain; and **THAT**, my friends, was a HUGE mistake)! 

WHY was that a mistake?  Because instead of communicating with one another about exactly what went wrong (“I feel overwhelmed when you go away for long periods of time and I need your emotional support – I need for you to check in with me a few times each day and tell me how much you appreciate my work with the children and I need you to be strong and listen to my crying/complaining if I’m feeling upset”) we stayed in our ‘upset’ and I told myself that Jesse was not a ‘soft place to land (that I couldn’t and wouldn’t count on him to help me navigate my rough/challenging times and I couldn’t trust him with my negative emotions).  The message I got from Jesse was that he didn’t ‘like’ me when I was a complainer.  EVEN THOUGH THIS MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE BEEN HIS MESSAGE!  This is PRECICESLY why you just HAVE to communicate!  Yep, the good, the bad AND the ugly (especially the ugly)!

So…….Beyond some really solid (pre-trip) husband to wife communication, what else can make the time NOT turn into a disastrous nightmare of epic proportion? 

1. Attitude -  Make the choice to rise to the occasion and be a cheerful leader (get help if you need it).
2. Call a family meeting and tell the children about the upcoming trip.
3. Be sure to contact your child’s/children’s teacher/s so they are aware of what’s going on at home.
4. Encourage your child/children to make a special picture/poem/letter and tuck it into the suitcase as a ‘surprise.’ 
5. Write a card yourself so your spouse knows you support him and are thinking of  him.
6. To the best of your ability, maintain the family’s usual rhythm. 
7. Plan some special event for you and the kids:  A meal out, a hike, etc.
8. Create a homecoming for the returning spouse (homemade posters, balloons, etc).
9. Plan an activity for yourself after your spouse returns (a hike, time with friends, coffee at the bookstore, a movie or more depending on your needs).

Let me know if you’ve experienced craziness like I have and if you have some must-know tips to share so that the next time Jesse leaves on a business trip, I can say ‘Bon Voyage’ and truly MEAN it!  Hahahahahaha!

Pass the water bottle, but PLEASE hold the f-bomb!

 

Here’s a shocker………..A fight broke out between two meat-heads at the gym this morning.  I am not joking.  The cops were called and EVERYTHING!!! 

I could NOT believe my eyes or ears!  Two men in their FIFTIES were dropping F-Bombs and shouting and posturing!

As if that kind of behavior wasn’t bad enough, one man’s DAUGHTER (15 or 16 years old) WAS WATCHING this nonsense!

Ugh!

Here’s the thing (which is no great epiphany)……….Always, ALWAYS be mindful of your actions and words when you are in the presence of your children.

Sadly, by watching her father in action, what this young  girl learned was that you solve a difference of opinion by cursing and shouting and threatening to hit another person.

My hope?  I sincerely hope that this father, after cooling off, took his daughter aside and apologized to her for his very poor behavior.  I hope it turned into a 'teaching moment' for for them about how he (and therefore SHE) can choose to behave differently when there is an altercation/disagreement.  

Heads UP, people!

 

Here’s an observation:  When I am out and about  these days (dentist, restaurant, library, etc), I’ve noticed that more children than not are ‘plugged in’ to electronic devices.  Have you noticed this as well?  This sight is SO disheartening to me.  Why disheartening?  Because these children are moving through their experiences with a heads down-cranky-obsessive-obliviousness and this truly breaks my heart.  I can only imagine how this behavior will translate into adulthood. 

What I’d love to see is parents talking with their children and children talking with other children.  I’d love to see children looking around and making observations about their world (is it sunny, can I see the moon during the day, why does that man look sad, etc).  I’d love to hear children excited about the BOOKS in an orthodontic office for crying out loud! 

What are my suggestions?  There are a bazillion activities you and your child can do when YOU are out and about.  Think ‘old school’ like ‘I Spy’ or storytelling.  Bring along a deck of cards or some crayons and paper.  How about some string so you can play finger games.  Tell jokes.  Talk to the folks next to you. 

It is my opinion that our culture MUST  stop and consider what type of adults we are creating by allowing our young children to get ‘lost’ in gadgets. 

It's TRANSITION TIME, folks!

 

Tell me if this scene sounds familiar………..You’ve just returned home from shopping/working/exercising to find that your toddler  is COMPLETELY ignoring you!

An ‘Ask Mother Goose’ reader recently asked me to help him and his wife handle this situation with their 14 month old daughter.

Here’s what I offered:

1. Do not take this personally.
2. Be sure to enter the house in a calm and cheerful way (even though you might be tired).
3. Say hello to all that are in the area without focusing in on the young child.
4. Plop yourself down on a chair or on the floor and maintain the ‘no eye contact deal.’
5. Busy yourself by looking into your purse/wallet/briefcase or playing with a toy.
6. Wait for that scrumptious little one to soon be offering you a treasure or a snuggle.

A ritual is born!

As Oprah would say..............Don't be a 'shlumpadinka'!!!

 

This is for ALL parents (brand new AND veterans)

Have you ever:

• Felt like a frumpy dump
• Found yourself wearing what I call (thanks to my friend, Laurie Seigh who coined the term) ‘Sleep ‘n Plays’- which are essentially pajamas – to work/play/grocery store/etc.
• Forgotten to brush your teeth for the 3^rd or 4^th day in a row
• Walked around in mom/dad jeans and thought it was a step-up from your usual ‘Sleep ‘n Plays’
• Worn bedroom slippers for a quick trip to the store (come on, you know you have)
• Sported pretend eyeglasses because you didn’t have the time to put on makeup and you thought the glasses would be a ‘disguise’
• Put your hair into a wet ponytail so many times that it started to mildew
• Became disconnected with yourself
• Became disconnected with your spouse
• Started to feel like just the co-worker of your wife/husband
• Lost your zip
• Stopped caring

If you’re anything like me, you probably could relate to most if not ALL of the aforementioned statements; except for the one about the eyeglasses cause that’s just plain weird.  Ahem.

I chose to write about losing yourself (as a person/parent/spouse) because GUESS WHAT, FOLKS it happened to me and I want to wake you up if you’ve lost YOURSELF! 

This topic came up today in – where else – carpool line!  I was talking with my friend who is the married mother of 3, including a 15 month old.  She and her husband are farmers.  She told me about a scene where she pleaded with her husband, “I just want to feel like a feminine flower!!!!!!!!!”  This immediately made me think of a book I’ve read by David Deida called ‘The Way Of The Superior Man.’  In it, he talks about ‘blooming your woman into a beautiful flower’ and ‘loving her into radiance.’ 

It’s soooo important for parents (who are no doubt ‘in the weeds’ of child rearing) to remember that they are men and women who have needs/desires/wants.  It is essential that these thoughts and feelings are voiced and dealt with.    If you continue to be duty bound and back burner yourself and your relationship it WILL come back to haunt you. 

So how do you accomplish this?

 

Well, the first thing is to begin a dialogue. Help each other identify what’s going well for each of you and what’s not going well.  Draw up a plan:

• How can we simplify?
• Where can we use some extra help?
• How can we carve out more adult-alone-time?
• How can we support one anothers need for space?

You get the picture, right?  It’s about figuring out how to – get ready for my favorite word – TWEAK your schedule/lives so that BOTH mom and dad feel appreciated/loved/desired. 

Trust me, DO THIS NOW and you will never, ever, ever, ever (not even in a million years) regret it!