Pass the water bottle, but PLEASE hold the f-bomb!

 

Here’s a shocker………..A fight broke out between two meat-heads at the gym this morning.  I am not joking.  The cops were called and EVERYTHING!!! 

I could NOT believe my eyes or ears!  Two men in their FIFTIES were dropping F-Bombs and shouting and posturing!

As if that kind of behavior wasn’t bad enough, one man’s DAUGHTER (15 or 16 years old) WAS WATCHING this nonsense!

Ugh!

Here’s the thing (which is no great epiphany)……….Always, ALWAYS be mindful of your actions and words when you are in the presence of your children.

Sadly, by watching her father in action, what this young  girl learned was that you solve a difference of opinion by cursing and shouting and threatening to hit another person.

My hope?  I sincerely hope that this father, after cooling off, took his daughter aside and apologized to her for his very poor behavior.  I hope it turned into a 'teaching moment' for for them about how he (and therefore SHE) can choose to behave differently when there is an altercation/disagreement.  

Heads UP, people!

 

Here’s an observation:  When I am out and about  these days (dentist, restaurant, library, etc), I’ve noticed that more children than not are ‘plugged in’ to electronic devices.  Have you noticed this as well?  This sight is SO disheartening to me.  Why disheartening?  Because these children are moving through their experiences with a heads down-cranky-obsessive-obliviousness and this truly breaks my heart.  I can only imagine how this behavior will translate into adulthood. 

What I’d love to see is parents talking with their children and children talking with other children.  I’d love to see children looking around and making observations about their world (is it sunny, can I see the moon during the day, why does that man look sad, etc).  I’d love to hear children excited about the BOOKS in an orthodontic office for crying out loud! 

What are my suggestions?  There are a bazillion activities you and your child can do when YOU are out and about.  Think ‘old school’ like ‘I Spy’ or storytelling.  Bring along a deck of cards or some crayons and paper.  How about some string so you can play finger games.  Tell jokes.  Talk to the folks next to you. 

It is my opinion that our culture MUST  stop and consider what type of adults we are creating by allowing our young children to get ‘lost’ in gadgets. 

It's TRANSITION TIME, folks!

 

Tell me if this scene sounds familiar………..You’ve just returned home from shopping/working/exercising to find that your toddler  is COMPLETELY ignoring you!

An ‘Ask Mother Goose’ reader recently asked me to help him and his wife handle this situation with their 14 month old daughter.

Here’s what I offered:

1. Do not take this personally.
2. Be sure to enter the house in a calm and cheerful way (even though you might be tired).
3. Say hello to all that are in the area without focusing in on the young child.
4. Plop yourself down on a chair or on the floor and maintain the ‘no eye contact deal.’
5. Busy yourself by looking into your purse/wallet/briefcase or playing with a toy.
6. Wait for that scrumptious little one to soon be offering you a treasure or a snuggle.

A ritual is born!

As Oprah would say..............Don't be a 'shlumpadinka'!!!

 

This is for ALL parents (brand new AND veterans)

Have you ever:

• Felt like a frumpy dump
• Found yourself wearing what I call (thanks to my friend, Laurie Seigh who coined the term) ‘Sleep ‘n Plays’- which are essentially pajamas – to work/play/grocery store/etc.
• Forgotten to brush your teeth for the 3^rd or 4^th day in a row
• Walked around in mom/dad jeans and thought it was a step-up from your usual ‘Sleep ‘n Plays’
• Worn bedroom slippers for a quick trip to the store (come on, you know you have)
• Sported pretend eyeglasses because you didn’t have the time to put on makeup and you thought the glasses would be a ‘disguise’
• Put your hair into a wet ponytail so many times that it started to mildew
• Became disconnected with yourself
• Became disconnected with your spouse
• Started to feel like just the co-worker of your wife/husband
• Lost your zip
• Stopped caring

If you’re anything like me, you probably could relate to most if not ALL of the aforementioned statements; except for the one about the eyeglasses cause that’s just plain weird.  Ahem.

I chose to write about losing yourself (as a person/parent/spouse) because GUESS WHAT, FOLKS it happened to me and I want to wake you up if you’ve lost YOURSELF! 

This topic came up today in – where else – carpool line!  I was talking with my friend who is the married mother of 3, including a 15 month old.  She and her husband are farmers.  She told me about a scene where she pleaded with her husband, “I just want to feel like a feminine flower!!!!!!!!!”  This immediately made me think of a book I’ve read by David Deida called ‘The Way Of The Superior Man.’  In it, he talks about ‘blooming your woman into a beautiful flower’ and ‘loving her into radiance.’ 

It’s soooo important for parents (who are no doubt ‘in the weeds’ of child rearing) to remember that they are men and women who have needs/desires/wants.  It is essential that these thoughts and feelings are voiced and dealt with.    If you continue to be duty bound and back burner yourself and your relationship it WILL come back to haunt you. 

So how do you accomplish this?

 

Well, the first thing is to begin a dialogue. Help each other identify what’s going well for each of you and what’s not going well.  Draw up a plan:

• How can we simplify?
• Where can we use some extra help?
• How can we carve out more adult-alone-time?
• How can we support one anothers need for space?

You get the picture, right?  It’s about figuring out how to – get ready for my favorite word – TWEAK your schedule/lives so that BOTH mom and dad feel appreciated/loved/desired. 

Trust me, DO THIS NOW and you will never, ever, ever, ever (not even in a million years) regret it! 

Amish Wisdom!

 

YEARS ago, while canning peaches with my Amish friend Sylvia, I heard her mother use the expression “Many hands make light work.”  Have you heard that one?  I love the way that phrase sounds (it’s soft and playful).  I equally love it’s meaning (the more help the easier and quicker any job can get done). 

As you know we have MANY hands at our house.  They are used for chores AND for <get ready for THIS stroke of genius>  SUPPER PREPARATION! 

I have absolutely NO CLUE why the concept of having children help with supper just dawned on me!  I was noticing that it was a challenge for me to pick the kids up from school at 4:00, get home at 4:30 and then have supper on the table by 6:00.   So,  I asked for some assistance and BOY did I ever get some!  After they are done with their evening chores, they pitch right in with the chopping, stirring, cutting and more!  

I’ve said it before  and I’ll say it again:  Giving children good, solid, meaningful work is such a gift for them!  Their self esteems are strengthened as are their wills.  Plus, it’s a great opportunity to have unstructured conversations and enjoy one another’s company. 

I’m only kicking myself that I didn’t tap into this ‘many hands’ in the kitchen deal before now!

Falling In Love At The Library!

Okay this is a letter to the editor that I wrote about a BEEEEAUTIFUL experience between me, my children and a LOVELY librarian!

Dear Ruthie,

Seriously, when was the last time you heard anyone talk about an INCREDIBLE and TRANSCENDING experience at a public library?

*I* had one of those experiences at The Wimberley Library!

Some of my 8 children and I were turning in/checking out books yesterday.  In typical fashion, we needed to pay a late fee.  I only had a one hundred dollar bill and was told that I couldn't use it to pay the nearly $40 fee and therefore the children couldn't check out any of their chosen books that day. 

Suddenly, a SUPER HERO (who 'gets' the big picture) named Kristina Minor, rushed over and took on our case!  She cheerfully said, "No worries at ALL.  Just bring in the money the next time you visit."  She then proceeded to check us out in THE most friendly and kind and good humored way EVER!  She said that her goal is for people to READ and why in the HECK would she send people home BOOKLESS?! 

When she finished our check out, I walked over to her, gave her a HUGE hug and said, "I *will* pay this forward!"

Sincerely,

Maria Verroye

So…………..One of the ways I’m paying it forward is by sharing this story with YOU so that you, in turn, will feel inspired to pay it forward in YOUR community! 

A little kindness can go a VERY long way! 

Happy Birthday Damnit!

 

There are many ways to celebrate birthdays.  Often, parents repeat the traditions of THEIR childhood or they create an event that they wished they had had OR they feel pressure to host a big bash (a ‘keeping up with the Jones deal’ or complicated feelings of guilt as a result of a divorce, etc). 

Have you ever been to a birthday party where you were instantly on overload?  Children running wild?  Ripped wrapping paper scattered all around, kids who are either crying or shouting? 

Let’s face it, children’s birthday parties can sometimes be overwhelming to plan and equally overwhelming to attend (for both children AND parents).

Well I’m here to tell you that I think all parents should unite and start an “Unbirthday Movement!”  What do I mean by ‘unbirthday’………….

Well, I’m not a scrooge and I do like acknowledging my children’s birthdays, but I’m not a big fan of making the event what I call ‘a thrill a minute.’ 

You know the drill……….Too many children (a good rule of thumb is to invite no more than one child for each year of the birthday child – If the child is turning 3, then invite 3 or less children). Too many activities (think old fashioned ideas like Pin The Tail On The Donkey or Apple Bobbing).  Too much indulgence (including ‘goodie bags’ for the attendees – WHO INVENTED THAT IDEA!?!?!?!?!).

I’ll give you an example of that madness:  When my brother was turning five, my parents thought it would be a GRAND idea to invite 15 little boys over for the big event.  About 7 minutes in, it was utter chaos which included my brother biting each and every attendee.  Hahahahahahah! No goodie bag for YOU, just teeth marks on your arm!

Here’s what we do at OUR house……………..We ask the birthday child if they would like a gift or an experience.  By gift, we do indeed mean ONE present.  By experience, pretty much anything within reason goes. 

So, for instance, Maeve will be turning 13 in October and she has asked to have an experience.  Jesse and I will be taking her and three of her friends on a horse trail ride.  Other children have gone on a zip line and to the zoo while others have asked for a gift like Moses who requested a metal detector for his 11^th birthday or Neve who asked for a stuffed animal. 

Don’t get me wrong, our kids LOVE going to birthday parties that are off the chain - At least for the first 10 minutes. After a short bit, they are either overwhelmed or cranky or tired.  They can recognize when things feel too out of control and are bothered by it. 

So what’s my take home message………..?  I’m suggesting  that when you consider throwing a birthday party for your child, remember these four things:   Pared down, simple, short and sweet.