Amish Wisdom!

 

YEARS ago, while canning peaches with my Amish friend Sylvia, I heard her mother use the expression “Many hands make light work.”  Have you heard that one?  I love the way that phrase sounds (it’s soft and playful).  I equally love it’s meaning (the more help the easier and quicker any job can get done). 

As you know we have MANY hands at our house.  They are used for chores AND for <get ready for THIS stroke of genius>  SUPPER PREPARATION! 

I have absolutely NO CLUE why the concept of having children help with supper just dawned on me!  I was noticing that it was a challenge for me to pick the kids up from school at 4:00, get home at 4:30 and then have supper on the table by 6:00.   So,  I asked for some assistance and BOY did I ever get some!  After they are done with their evening chores, they pitch right in with the chopping, stirring, cutting and more!  

I’ve said it before  and I’ll say it again:  Giving children good, solid, meaningful work is such a gift for them!  Their self esteems are strengthened as are their wills.  Plus, it’s a great opportunity to have unstructured conversations and enjoy one another’s company. 

I’m only kicking myself that I didn’t tap into this ‘many hands’ in the kitchen deal before now!

Falling In Love At The Library!

Okay this is a letter to the editor that I wrote about a BEEEEAUTIFUL experience between me, my children and a LOVELY librarian!

Dear Ruthie,

Seriously, when was the last time you heard anyone talk about an INCREDIBLE and TRANSCENDING experience at a public library?

*I* had one of those experiences at The Wimberley Library!

Some of my 8 children and I were turning in/checking out books yesterday.  In typical fashion, we needed to pay a late fee.  I only had a one hundred dollar bill and was told that I couldn't use it to pay the nearly $40 fee and therefore the children couldn't check out any of their chosen books that day. 

Suddenly, a SUPER HERO (who 'gets' the big picture) named Kristina Minor, rushed over and took on our case!  She cheerfully said, "No worries at ALL.  Just bring in the money the next time you visit."  She then proceeded to check us out in THE most friendly and kind and good humored way EVER!  She said that her goal is for people to READ and why in the HECK would she send people home BOOKLESS?! 

When she finished our check out, I walked over to her, gave her a HUGE hug and said, "I *will* pay this forward!"

Sincerely,

Maria Verroye

So…………..One of the ways I’m paying it forward is by sharing this story with YOU so that you, in turn, will feel inspired to pay it forward in YOUR community! 

A little kindness can go a VERY long way! 

Happy Birthday Damnit!

 

There are many ways to celebrate birthdays.  Often, parents repeat the traditions of THEIR childhood or they create an event that they wished they had had OR they feel pressure to host a big bash (a ‘keeping up with the Jones deal’ or complicated feelings of guilt as a result of a divorce, etc). 

Have you ever been to a birthday party where you were instantly on overload?  Children running wild?  Ripped wrapping paper scattered all around, kids who are either crying or shouting? 

Let’s face it, children’s birthday parties can sometimes be overwhelming to plan and equally overwhelming to attend (for both children AND parents).

Well I’m here to tell you that I think all parents should unite and start an “Unbirthday Movement!”  What do I mean by ‘unbirthday’………….

Well, I’m not a scrooge and I do like acknowledging my children’s birthdays, but I’m not a big fan of making the event what I call ‘a thrill a minute.’ 

You know the drill……….Too many children (a good rule of thumb is to invite no more than one child for each year of the birthday child – If the child is turning 3, then invite 3 or less children). Too many activities (think old fashioned ideas like Pin The Tail On The Donkey or Apple Bobbing).  Too much indulgence (including ‘goodie bags’ for the attendees – WHO INVENTED THAT IDEA!?!?!?!?!).

I’ll give you an example of that madness:  When my brother was turning five, my parents thought it would be a GRAND idea to invite 15 little boys over for the big event.  About 7 minutes in, it was utter chaos which included my brother biting each and every attendee.  Hahahahahahah! No goodie bag for YOU, just teeth marks on your arm!

Here’s what we do at OUR house……………..We ask the birthday child if they would like a gift or an experience.  By gift, we do indeed mean ONE present.  By experience, pretty much anything within reason goes. 

So, for instance, Maeve will be turning 13 in October and she has asked to have an experience.  Jesse and I will be taking her and three of her friends on a horse trail ride.  Other children have gone on a zip line and to the zoo while others have asked for a gift like Moses who requested a metal detector for his 11^th birthday or Neve who asked for a stuffed animal. 

Don’t get me wrong, our kids LOVE going to birthday parties that are off the chain - At least for the first 10 minutes. After a short bit, they are either overwhelmed or cranky or tired.  They can recognize when things feel too out of control and are bothered by it. 

So what’s my take home message………..?  I’m suggesting  that when you consider throwing a birthday party for your child, remember these four things:   Pared down, simple, short and sweet.  

Poop Happens!

 

It’s called “The Poop Suit” for a reason.  A very GOOD reason!

I’ll bet ALL of you have heard stories about toddlers (1 year olds – 2 years olds) who have ‘painted’ their cribs, their bodies or their bedroom walls with POOP, right?  I imagine many of you have experienced these little ‘Poopcassos’ in action first hand.   The experience can be both hilarious AND frustrating. 

 So………..Twenty five years ago, I invented something called “The Poop Suit” to help make an issue a non-issue.

So what am I getting at here? 

When my oldest child, Natasha turned about 1, she began taking off her clothes ALL OF THE TIME, especially during naptime.

This is a normal stage and it’s actually really good practice for the child who is learning how to put on/take off his/her own clothing. 

The problem with doing it during naptime is that when there are no longer clothes and a diaper on the child, the pee and poo ends up on the floor, mattress, walls and all over the child who is both curious and delighted with this situation.

To keep my children clean and safe during naptime, I invented a special outfit  (zipper up the back) that I put on over top their clothes right before naptime (see picture below).

Why?  Because then there’s no worry and no clean up.  The child can relax and enjoy naptime and the parents can feel confident that the child will rest comfortably and CLEANLY. 

If you’d like to know more about “The Poop Suit” or would like to order one for your child, as a gift to new parents or as a first birthday present, please contact me at mariaverroye@gmail.com

Do NOT create a monster!

 

Let’s be honest, sometimes whining can drive you to drink.  The ability to whine begins after about the first year (I forget exactly when) and NEVER STOPS!  Hahahahaha!

Seriously now, you can REALLY minimize your child’s whining and here’s how:

1. Pay attention to the rhythm of your day to day life – Children thrive on routine which calms them.
2. Pay attention to their blood sugar (they need to eat at least five times a day)
3. Pay attention to their sleeping/napping schedule (depending on their age, they need to take one or two naps each and every day as well as a get a good night sleep)
4. Pay attention to your own communication style.  Do YOU whine?
5. Pay attention to them.  If they are trying to communicate, be patient and give them a chance to express themselves.
6. Pay attention to whether or not you unknowingly encourage their whining by not addressing them right away (even to say “Just one moment.”)
7. Pay attention to whether or not they are feeling ill or are cutting a tooth or have begun a new routine (daycare or school or camp).

Establish a no-whining-policy and then STICK TO IT!  How do you do this?  Well, when the child whines, you either ignore him/her (if you’ve previously addressed them and they continue to whine) OR you say, “Use your regular voice”  “I can’t understand you when you whine.”   “Use a big girl/big boy voice.” 

The tricky part is that it can be VERY tempting to ‘give in’ to a whining child (picture yourself in the check out line at the grocery store where there is yummy candy all around and your child WANTS some and starts WHINING and you don’t want to hear the whining so you CAVE and give him/her the candy).  DON’T GIVE IN!

Giving in sets the stage for <wait for it> MORE WHINING!  Hence, NEVER giving in sets the stage for VERY minimal whining in the future and THAT’S a beautiful thing!

Thank GOD for Juliette!

 

Choose a designated ‘Baby Book Writer’ or you WILL regret it!  Here’s a true confession……………Twenty six years ago (when my first child, Natasha, was born) I wrote and wrote and WROTE in her baby book – Burps and tummy time and nursing and rashes and more!

A mere 19 months later, when Juliette was born, I wrote about half  as much even though she was just as adorable and exciting!   Four years later, when Chloe was born, I wrote about four things  TOTAL in her book!  Yep, that’s the sad truth. <hanging my head in shame>

So, when Maeve was born (seven years after Chloe), Juliette volunteered to be our families ‘designated baby book writer’.  Okay, what does that mean? She was in charge of writing down as many moments/words/phrases/activities/events/milestones as she could remember (and thankfully she has a SUPERB memory)! 

Anyway, her writing in those FIVE books has been her gift to me for MANY MANY  Christmases, Birthdays, Mother’s Days and more!  I’m not making that up!  It has been a true GIFT that she’s written in those darn baby books.   It’s been priceless.

So, as a shout out to Juliette………………..THANK YOU!

As for you, I encourage you to write as often as you are able because as much as you think you’ll remember the cute little diddies you will not.  Trust me. 

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

 

You can NEVER pick up a baby too much!  EVER!   So whatever you’ve read before, please disregard that information. 

When a baby cries it stirs something in a parent.  It hurts our brains because it’s supposed to.  It’s a call to action. 

Please go to the baby and pick it up and hold it and sway with it and love it. 

You are establishing something VERY important.  It’s called attachment/trust.

It is NOT spoiling.

Spoiling comes later.  Do not fret about it during the child’s first year of life.

When a baby cries, it needs something:  A diaper change, rocking, feeding, burping, movement, a change of scenery. 

If you meet those needs, you are establishing trust.  The baby will trust that you will meet his needs.

This connection is CRITICAL to a child’s development. 

So, enjoy and hug and love and EAT THAT BABY UP!  

Right hand on yellow. Left hand on red.

Here’s something that’s easy to do and doesn’t cost much more than a few bags of popcorn!

Every Tuesday night in our house it’s “Game Night”!  I started this routine over the summer because…………..You know, I don’t really know why I started it, BUT IT’S BEEN A HIT EVER SINCE!

I bought a bunch of games to choose from:  Stratego, Twister, Candyland, Trouble, Headbanz and more.  We started out all playing the same game until I tweaked it so that now we can choose to buddy up or play with three or four, etc.  So tonight, four kids played Twister while Bette and I played Candyland (I CREAMED HER)!  Hahahahahha!

Anyway, I encourage YOU to start a fun ritual or a routine with YOUR family!  Oh and please pass the popcorn!

Turkey on rye, anyone?

So I just opened the fridge to take out some mushrooms and saw what I think you might find helpful.

As you know by now, I’m forever tweaking everything (days, mornings, high kitchen traffic, homework, rest time, etc).  Making lunches around here can get pretty hairy so here’s what I do:

1. Right after supper, everyone has to make his/her lunch (and yes everyone, but Bette – who assists – makes his/her own lunch.
2. All cold items have to go into the fridge on a designated (see picture below) shelf.
3. All non perishables are to be in the lunchboxes.
4. Lunchboxes are to be placed on a designated shelf in the laundry room.

Okay, sounds pretty militaristic, doesn’t it?  Well, imagine if on ‘the morning of’ five little ones were running around the kitchen trying to pull together five different lunches while simultaneously getting dressed, eating breakfast and brushing teeth!   Crazy Train!

My kids have always made their lunches the night before because it always just streamlined the morning routine.  The ‘tweaking’ came in recently (over the summer) concerning the cold storage items because the kids were waiting until ‘the morning of’ to grab refrigerator items (water bottles, veggies, cheese, etc) and shove them in their lunchboxes which, for obvious reasons, was NOT ideal.

I’m VERY happy to report that the tweaking WORKED and making lunches is now a SNAP!  <not really though cause everyone still complains about making them>

Barney was RIGHT!

 

Manners matter.  Period.  Make sure that YOU (the parent) have them to begin with.  Then, start teaching them to your children early because ...... GREAT and CONSISTENT  manners take practice and couching and reinforcing.

What do I mean by good manners?  I mean the obvious ‘please and thank you’ but I will also say that, in my opinion, there’s more to it than those magic words.  For example:

Holding the door for everyone if you’re the first to get to it.

Waiting to the side if there is someone coming out of a door.

Saying, “May I please have…………..” when you are ordering at a restaurant (instead of ‘Can I have’ or ‘I want’).

Taking a small amount of something (when there are others to share with).

Greeting someone with total eye contact and a hand shake.

Picking up things if someone drops them.

Serving someone before yourself.

I’m leaving some off this list, but I imagine you get the idea. Teaching your children great manners is a gift (to them and to the world) because manners are love, caring, kindness and compassion in action!  Period. 

Tweaking NOT twerking!

 

As I sit here (on the couch, in the living room, facing the wall of windows, looking east) I am watching yet ANOTHER gorgeous ‘Lion King’ sunrise!

Why do I mention this?  Well, for one, it’s SPECTACULAR and I wish you could see it.  More importantly though for some reason, I am taking particular note of what the sun coming up each and every day SYMBOLYZES for me.

A fresh new start.

Yep, a chance to begin again, right a wrong, try a different way and TWEAK!

Okay, what’s ‘tweak’……………..This is a VERY well used word around my house.  Tweaking is another (funner) way of saying adjusting.   So, for example, when something (a schedule, a sleeping arrangement, the flow in the pantry, driving/picking up from school, etc) is not going well (kids are cranky, parents are tired, it just doesn’t ‘feel right’), the first thing I do is see how the situation can be tweaked. 

So for instance, recently, Jesse and I decided to move Bette out of our bedroom (we converted the walk in closet into her bedroom when we moved in a year ago) because our bedroom had become like Grand Central Station (too much noise, activity, fussiness, etc).  and – post tweak – it’s more like a sanctuary. 

So I encourage you to TWEAK AWAY, my friends! 

Hold on tight cause it's THAT time again!

It’s about that time again, folks.  The time when a girl or boy turns about 13 or so and suddenly knows EVERYTHING about EVERYTHING!  It’s actually such a fun and interesting time if you choose to see it that way, but we’ll get to that later.

For now, I want to tell you know how I knew it was beginning again for the 4^th time (the first three being Natasha, Juliette and Chloe). 

Jesse, the kids and I were sitting down to supper the other evening.  We were talking about the weather and Jesse mentioned to Maeve (WHO IS  ALMOST 13)  to be sure NOT to close the shutters on the hen house  that evening because the hens would get WAY too hot.  Maeve told Jesse that indeed she DID close the shutters and she thought that was the right choice.  Jesse said that it would be okay to leave the shutters open and,  if the hens didn’t want to get wet, they could move  from one perch to another.  Maeve then said that she didn’t think the bedding should get wet and on it went.  At some point, Jesse and I looked at each other with that parental ‘knowing expression.’  Again, it was an Oprah AH HA MOMENT of ‘Ohhhhhhhhhhh, THIS is starting!”  Hahahahahahahhaah!

I’m laughing because you just HAVE to laugh at this point. As always, it’s SO IMPORTANT to keep your cool, see the goofiness in the situation (but NEVER in a making fun of or condescending way) and keep the big picture in mind.

What’s the big picture?  The big picture is that Maeve (and other 13ish year olds) are beginning the process of trying out who they want to be, asserting their opinions and doing a more refined testing out of their independence (remember it happened already in their toddler years of ‘first adolescence’). 

THIS IS ALLL GOOD, MEATY STUFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now, what should you do when this begins?  GREAT question!  First of all, acknowledge what’s happening (to yourself and your spouse).  Second of all, appreciate this stage because it’s vital to their becoming independent from you, understanding themselves, and truly making good choices for themselves from that point on. 

I always say to listen with an open ear and try not to do a lot of talking.  Instead, I think it’s helpful to say, “Hmmmmm, I never thought of that before.”  OR “Hmmmm, that’s interesting,” 

That way, you’re giving your full attention, but you’re not imposing your beliefs and objections and opinions onto your child.  Mind you, sometimes it’s absolutely appropriate to let your child know information that will keep him/her safe, etc, but for the most part, they just want to hear themselves talk and you are a sounding board for their thoughts and ideas which are percolating and forming.

And THAT’S where the ‘fun and interesting’ part comes in.  If you can understand that this is a normal and healthy and necessary stage and  you  employ my above-mentioned strategies (open ear, don’t take anything personally), then you will appreciate the beauty of the beginning of the teen years. 

Living An Amish Paradise!

 

Okay, so we’re not Amish, but we DO subscribe to the ‘work first, play later’ mentality.  If you were a fly on our wall you’d hear me say, “Have you done your chores?” about 37 times on any given day.  Because the young ones are still in training, this prompt is necessary (less so for Maeve’s age).  What’s also required is for me to make sure each chore has been done and done well. 

But let’s back it up a bit……………Once a month or so, we hold a family meeting to re-choose chores.  We go around the circle and each child is allowed to choose one or two chores of their choice.  After that, I add on a few more depending on their age.  I write down each child’s chore list and put them all on the fridge so that the children can reference them when needed. 

Plain and simple, teaching your children to  do chores builds character, self esteem, develops the will and nurtures a helping heart. 

These qualities will serve children SO WELL as they move through their childhood and on into adulthood. 

"Singularly Focused"

About a year ago I had a HUGE EPIPHANY!  Naturally,  I was watching Oprah when the amazing AH HA MOMENT occurred.   Oprah was interviewing  Paula Dean in her home.  As they shared a meal around Paula’s table, they were each discussing their paths to stardom/greatness.  Suddenly, one of them said the words:  “Singularly Focused” and I ABOUT FELL  OUT OF BED AND IMMEDIATELY RUSHED FOR A PEN AND PAPER SO I COULD WRITE DOWN THAT TWO WORD GEM!!!!!!!!!

What WAS  it about those words that soooo moved me (both figuratively AND literally)?

Here goes:  What they were talking about was each of them having been ‘singularly focused’ on their careers to the exclusion of friends, family, other opportunities, relationships, etc.  They said that they KNEW  FOR SURE  they missed out on some of those things in their lives in pursuit of their goals and ultimately their life’s purposes.

This concept COMPLETELY resonated with me because it was EXACLTY what I had been doing for the past 25 years as a stay at home mom.  I was now able to put a name to my feelings as a result of  my being singularly focused on my children.

This was BIG because, up until that moment, I had been battling with feelings such as 1.  Why don’t I spend more time with my friends?  2.  Why do I feel disconnected from my husband?  3.  Why can’t I seem to do more each day? 

Discovering this idea/concept/term/notion has helped me do two things:  1.  Stop beating myself up for feelings of failure 2.  To understand that I can dial down the laser point focus on my children and balance that life’s purpose with other aspects of my life such as my husband, my health and fitness, my friendships and more.

I guess you could say that this insight is a cautionary tale.  If YOU would’ve leaped out of YOUR bed upon hearing that term, then I would encourage you to consider  striking a balance between your life’s purpose and everything else! 

SHHHHHH BE QUIET!

Here’s a funny story that I’ll bet EVERY parent can relate to.  So, I’m driving along in heavy traffic one day with four VERY small children as passengers (there may have been more).  Malick was about 2 years old and was seated directly behind me.  He kept  kicking my seat and saying, “Mom Mom Mom Mom Mom.”  I answered him the first time, but he continued to say my name over and over and over again for a good ½ hour or so.  After he’d said it about 4,387 times, I gripped the steering wheel, dug deep (took a cleansing breath) and answered cheerfully, “Yessssss?” to which he responded, “SHHHHHHH BE QUIET!!!!!!!!’

Hahahahahahahaha!  All I could do was laugh.  It was crazy and ironic and HILARIOUSLY funny!  Throughout the years, the big girls and I have laughed and laughed about that CLASSIC and TYPICAL example of the challenges of being a parent (especially when you are what I call ‘a captured audience’ in the car). 

When the going gets tough (and it will ……..  A LOT), it’s important to maintain a positive attitude and have a good belly laugh about the absurdity of life ‘in the trenches.’

I hope that, when the next koo-koo-pants event happens with YOUR children, you think of this story and choose to laugh.  It truly IS the best medicine!

Who Let The Dogs Out?

Have you ever watched The Dog Whisperer?  Do you yearn to be THE PACK LEADER of YOUR family? 

Well gather ‘round and I’ll let you in on a little secret (that I’ve been sharing with parents for YEARS)!

The principles that Ceasar Milan applies to his dog psychology can – MUST – be applied to raising balanced children.

In case you’re not familiar with Ceasar’s guidelines, let’s review:

1. Rules
2. Boundaries
3. Limitations
4. Exercise
5. Discipline
6. Affection
7. Energy
8. Body Language

Okay, now let’s break the list down as it applies to raising your children:

1. Rules:  Keep your rules simple and enforce them without exception.

2. Boundaries:  Teach your children to know their place (they are not adults).

3. Limitations:  Encourage your children’s development of  self-control.

4. Exercise:  Provide a LOT of physical activity for your children (from infancy to young adult), preferably outside with sticks and dirt and trees, fresh air and – most importantly – no agenda.

5. Discipline:  Remember that the word ‘discipline’ means teaching, not punishment.  What you’re going for here is teaching your child/children character qualities and self-discipline.

6. Affection:  Give it often, but be sure that it’s well timed.  For example, when you’ve  corrected your young child’s behavior (he/she may not  touch an electrical outlet, for example) and he/she is fussing back at you (because you’ve imposed your rules, boundaries, limitations) do not give affection at that moment, rather wait for him/her to look at the outlet/maybe even reach for it and stop herself/himself, NOT touch it and THEN  immediately give him/her some form of physical affection (thus reinforcing the  behavior you want to nurture).

7.  Energy:  Be mindful of the energy you are giving off.  Children do NOT suffer fools.  So to the best of your ability, remain calm and assertive and just watch how your child will then become calm and submissive in response.

8. Body Language:  This is similar to your energy.  Be aware of how your mood affects your body (tense, afraid, angry, etc).  Children are keen observers and are always gauging their parent’s moods and reflecting those moods back. 

So, there you have it! Now it’s time for me to take my pack outside!  <Woof Woof>

Cheerful Confidence!

Last year, I asked Maeve (my 12 year old) to begin walking Bette (my 5 year old) into her kindergarten class each day.  After a rough first attempt, Maeve didn’t want to do it again the following day.  I told her that not only did she HAVE to do the job; she had to do it with ‘cheerful confidence.’   

What is ‘cheerful confidence,’ you ask?  Well………….It’s a state of mind that I believe is essential for parents to be in when mindfully raising children.  It is being confident about your decisions (not second-guessing yourself  or giving in to demands or tantrums)  and leading your children in a joyful way (with regards to  behaviors, homework, chores, etc).

So, for example, imagine you’re visiting the zoo with your kids.  Before you even get out of the car you announce  to your children – with great confidence -   that although they may look at the gift shop items, no one will be buying anything on that day.  This announcement is made joyfully,  (“We are not buying any items today, but we might another time.”)  not punitively  (“No one’s getting a toy or any other crappy souvenir EVER!”).   When the time comes to leave the gift shop be sure that – on that day at least – NO ONE GETS A DARN THING!

BIG REMINDER:  You must not go back on your word!  THAT is being confident in your decision-making!  Parental confidence is one of THE most  important keys to raising children who will follow the rules (with some pushing the limits from time to time of course) and feel safe and secure doing so. 

So, back to Maeve.................She learned that if she uses the old ‘joyful confidence’ routine, Bette happily follows her into the classroom each and every time!  As my mom would say, “Wala!”  <my apologies to each and every French person I know>

I wonder how I'd look in an orange jumpsuit?

 It’s prison life for me!

Oh to be in prison!  Wouldn’t life be GRAND?  Forget the ‘3 squares and a cot’ deal.  What I would love is the 1 fork, 1 towel, 1 plate idea!  Ahhhhhhhh!  Talk about SIMPLICITY! 

Alas, I’m not in prison, but…………That doesn’t mean that I can’t enjoy keeping things simple and organized OUTSIDE the pokey.

For example, right next to the back door (which is the only door I allow the children to enter/exit so that the incoming dirt is centralized), I have two areas: 

1. Raincoat/Rain pant hooks for each child with an area for boots directly below
2. Baskets for each child (shoes, socks and winter apparel when appropriate)

These two areas help tremendously because each child knows where his/her belongings can be found AND are more inclined to return their items to their rightful place EACH AND EVERY TIME!  <with 487 million reminders of course>