Hold on tight cause it's THAT time again!

It’s about that time again, folks.  The time when a girl or boy turns about 13 or so and suddenly knows EVERYTHING about EVERYTHING!  It’s actually such a fun and interesting time if you choose to see it that way, but we’ll get to that later.

For now, I want to tell you know how I knew it was beginning again for the 4^th time (the first three being Natasha, Juliette and Chloe). 

Jesse, the kids and I were sitting down to supper the other evening.  We were talking about the weather and Jesse mentioned to Maeve (WHO IS  ALMOST 13)  to be sure NOT to close the shutters on the hen house  that evening because the hens would get WAY too hot.  Maeve told Jesse that indeed she DID close the shutters and she thought that was the right choice.  Jesse said that it would be okay to leave the shutters open and,  if the hens didn’t want to get wet, they could move  from one perch to another.  Maeve then said that she didn’t think the bedding should get wet and on it went.  At some point, Jesse and I looked at each other with that parental ‘knowing expression.’  Again, it was an Oprah AH HA MOMENT of ‘Ohhhhhhhhhhh, THIS is starting!”  Hahahahahahahhaah!

I’m laughing because you just HAVE to laugh at this point. As always, it’s SO IMPORTANT to keep your cool, see the goofiness in the situation (but NEVER in a making fun of or condescending way) and keep the big picture in mind.

What’s the big picture?  The big picture is that Maeve (and other 13ish year olds) are beginning the process of trying out who they want to be, asserting their opinions and doing a more refined testing out of their independence (remember it happened already in their toddler years of ‘first adolescence’). 

THIS IS ALLL GOOD, MEATY STUFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now, what should you do when this begins?  GREAT question!  First of all, acknowledge what’s happening (to yourself and your spouse).  Second of all, appreciate this stage because it’s vital to their becoming independent from you, understanding themselves, and truly making good choices for themselves from that point on. 

I always say to listen with an open ear and try not to do a lot of talking.  Instead, I think it’s helpful to say, “Hmmmmm, I never thought of that before.”  OR “Hmmmm, that’s interesting,” 

That way, you’re giving your full attention, but you’re not imposing your beliefs and objections and opinions onto your child.  Mind you, sometimes it’s absolutely appropriate to let your child know information that will keep him/her safe, etc, but for the most part, they just want to hear themselves talk and you are a sounding board for their thoughts and ideas which are percolating and forming.

And THAT’S where the ‘fun and interesting’ part comes in.  If you can understand that this is a normal and healthy and necessary stage and  you  employ my above-mentioned strategies (open ear, don’t take anything personally), then you will appreciate the beauty of the beginning of the teen years.