How deep is your love?

Have you ever hugged your nail technician TWICE during a pedicure?   I did today and here’s why…….

She and I were chatting back and forth when the topic of marriage came up.  I asked her if she was married and she said, ‘Yes, it was an arranged marriage five years ago.’  She told me that they got married first and THEN started dating.  She said that he was a good guy and she loved him, but was not ‘in love’ with him. 

A humongous can of worms was opened right there in the nail salon!

Can any one of you (who’s been in a relationship/marriage for at least a year) relate to that? 

I sure can! 

Well, first, let’s talk about what ‘love’ versus ‘in love’ means.  To me, love is the deep, caring, worked-on,  ain’t always pretty, but sometimes fun and sassy connection with your partner. It’s a decision that you make each day.  It’s a choice.   When I think of what ‘in love’ means, I think of a sparkly, heady, rush of love emotions which doesn’t feel like a choice but a reaction, a drive.  I compare it to a comet that at first ZOOMS fantastically across the sky only to fizzle out after a short bit.   

We’ve all experienced a crush on someone.  It feels exciting and exhilarating!  THAT is ‘in love.’

‘Love’, on the other hand, is quieter, calmer, more subtle, but…………..It does NOT have to be hum-drum and boring!  It can sparkle.  I am SURE of it!  It will NEVER feel entirely like a new love, but I am convinced that there are ways to stoke the fires of passion, desire, anticipation and a longing to be with your partner. 

So, how do you go about infusing this old ‘love’ with excitement and a feeling of the newness of a brand-spanking new love interest?  There are probably laundry lists of ways to ‘get that groove back’ including:  New undies (for each of you), candles, dates, etc.  While those details have merit, I believe it’s MUCH more than cards and flowers. 

I believe it takes a willingness in both partners to agree to do the work (growth) of nourishing/nurturing the relationship.  That means,  along with the dates and candles, there must be  a strong desire to help your partner, as David Deida  (author of many wonderful, life changing books including ‘The Way Of The Superior Man.”) would say, “Open his/her heart which means a  willingness to breathe with your partner, feel your partner, deepen your heart, feel each others agitations and deepest hearts desires……….” 

These actions are learned and are an ART.  Your relationship is your masterpiece.  Just as I hugged and encouraged my lovely nail technician, Ha,  about these concepts, I encourage YOU to think about these ideas.  See if they resonate with you.  I encourage you to put them into practice in YOUR relationship RIGHT NOW!  Don’t wait one more minute to begin to GROW DEEPER IN LOVE WITH YOUR PARTNER.